Hormones and Whatnots
by Kenchikka
Summary: [Mini-series] In which Okita Sougo gets worked up regarding his rival's journey through puberty. Rated T for language and suggested themes.
1. Chapter 1

It started with a change of her hair. He took notice of it one day when he saw her walking at the park, with her hair down, a bit surprised to see that her locks were already way past down her shoulders.

"Ah, where are your disgusting penis cups, China." He deadpanned at the sight of his _beloved_ rival.  
"What the hell did you say about my ornaments? You unappreciative piece of shit." She shot back aiming her small fist to his face.

He smirked to himself, it was kind of bizarre to see her without those "things" on her head after all. He dodged easily and landed on his feet. "You look grotesque flashing off your hair like that." He launched forward in the hopes of tackling her to the ground.

"Yeah, and you look still look like an underdeveloped fetus whether or not you change your hair." She managed to avoid his weight. "I lost them you jerk, as much I hate to let down my hair, I have no damn choice." Swiftly she moved to his side and went for a kick, unfortunately, he caught her leg on par with her speed.

He was about to deliver his final blow to score his victory when all of a sudden he saw her face directly under the faint sunlight, it was kind of a weird feeling, but it felt as if time stopped for a second. Her bright vermilion locks framed her delicate face, it contrasted her pale skin. And her eyes shone without falter, they were bright and intense and angry. He wanted to look more at her face, just a little more. He wanted to vomit at his own thoughts, but he couldn't deny she was actually a doll.

His train of thoughts were ruined by a spine breaking kick, he fell to the ground and winced in pain. "Damn, what the hell."

"That's what you get for hesitating, Sadist." She laughed at his pitiful state.

 _Ah, she smiled._ He gazed one more time at her face, it looks pretty cute from his angle. Her hair swayed freely, _they look soft to touch_.

"Oi, did I hurt you that much that your brain stopped responding?" She sneered.

"Shut up, China. You won this time, be thankful I haven't had my breakfast yet, or else I could have pummeled you to the ground." He helped himself up. Y _eah right, as if I could have had._

She flipped her hair aside, "Yeah, fine. Go eat your Sadist meal for the day and continue on being a loser jerk you already are." She turned away from him.

 _Ah, damn._ He thought. _I hope she finds her penis cups already._

* * *

Hi guys! This would probly be a mini series or some sorts. I'm not really a writer I just have all these ideas in my brain that I need to get out. Hope you'll enjoy this one ^q^


	2. Chapter 2

"So the pig _does_ take a bath, I thought it was just a myth."

"What the hell is this numbskull doing here early in the morning, Gin-chan?" She walks across the room with hands crossed over her chest. Her hair still wet, droplets of water race down her mane. She looks a bit flushed, dusting a soft shade of pink across her cheeks. Her skin is still a bit damp, it actually looks as if it was glowing as the faint morning light bounces through her body.

"Oi, oi, stop shouting Kagura, you're making my ears bleed." Gintoki covers his ears, "And don't call numskulls as numskulls, they actually have feelings you know."

"Danna, you want me to arrest you for calling a numskull cop a numskull?" Okita sneers, but his gaze follows the towel clad China who is at the other side of the room violently staring at him. "Oi you, how long do you plan on displaying your curve-less body China? If you plan on seducing me well better luck the next century. I have no desires for pigs like you." He quickly looks at her legs, smooth, slim and milky white.

"What did you say about me you Sadist!? For your information I wasn't seducing you, your mere presence is repugnant to my tastes." She sticks her tongue out. His eyes follows her figure, she has grown quite a pair of mounds in her chest and god help this boy, since having her arms crossed over them emphasizes her cleavage, her _actual_ cleavage.

"Enough, enough, Kagura go change into your rags, or do you want to get interrogated by Souichirou-kun instead? _He seems okay with that idea_." Gintoki smirks at the young man who glares at him in return.

"Whatever, you two are enough to ruin my morning let alone having to talk to that jerk." She exits the room, but his eyes fixated to her back; her peach-shaped bottom as it disappears from his sight. He gulps down, quietly enough not to let the Boss hear it, he doesn't want to be the object of his mockery.

But of course, Gin-san is Gin-san, "How do I get to live with that everyday? Simple. I don't stare as hard like you." He teases.

"What are you talking about, you seem to be opening a topic to your own pleasure, Danna." He tries to play it cool. _And did I hear that right? 'I don't stare as hard as you?!'_ He feels a bit uneasy.

"Yeah sure, Souchirou-kun, you totally lost your words the moment she came out of the bath." He raises his eyebrows at him.

"It's Sougo, and who wouldn't be distracted with a pig clad in a mini towel, now I'm traumatized, you have to pay for my psychiatrist now, Danna." He deadpans. Keep it cool, play it safe. But his eyes steals a glance towards her room every now and then.

"Yeah, yeah I get it Sofa-kun. So what is your business again with me today?" Gintoki grins widely.

He feels sweat forming in his forehead. _Ah, I forgot._

* * *

Thank you for the follows! It's nice to know people are interested ^q^ And also for the reviews! I'm trying hard to improve my writing so please bear with me!


	3. Chapter 3

"Captain! Captain!" Yamazaki lively called to his superior. "What is it Yamazaki, you sound like a hen whose egg got stuck in the tip of her butthole." Okita yawned as he sloggisly dragged himself towards the park bench, "Man it's hot." "I-I got us these popsicles, they were pretty appetizing to look at." He said ignoring the mockery, "I didn't know what flavor you like so I picked orange flavoured, if you don't mind."

Okita grabbed the treat murmering a soft 'thanks', he quickly devoured the dessert to ease up the heat, "Captain! Captain!" Yamazaki called out again. "What now, Yamazaki, are you gonna pull out another popsicle out from your ass?" He said removing his thick jacket.

"Isn't that Kagura-san?" He sheepishly pointed out the young woman, Okita felt a bit irked upon the mention of 'Kagura'. his eyes traveled towards the opposite side of the park and saw her sitting up against a tree, he went up and walked towards her with hopes of sparking a spar; it's been a while after all.

"Ah, what a treat this is." She cringed at his presence, she was sweating a little too much and her feet were free from her usual black flats. "I suggest you leave the premises, your feet stinks, it will scare the good commoners away." He teased pinching the bridge of his nose.  
"Captain, I don't think you should-", "Shut up." "Oi, you should listen to your subordinate, at least he's more matured than you, sadistic bastard." She hugged her knees, as she looked away from the two men. "And you are lecturing me about maturity? Dream on, China." He smirked as he kept on pushing her to the edge of her patience. But to his dismay he received nothing but a cold, dead silence.

"Oi, are you deaf or something?" He kicked her side lightly, "I'm not in the mood, freak." She mumbled against her knees. "Ovulating aren't we?" He laughed. "Captain I think you shouldn't say those-" "Shut up, Yamazaki."

"Go away, you two are noisy as hell." She said in between short breaths. "Captain, I think she's sick." Yamazaki whispered as lightly as he could, "She's pale as a sheet, and her breathing sounds irregul-" "Yamazaki, for the nth time, please stop talking or I'll blow you up." He looked at her small figure and just then did he realize he was right, he felt a bit sorry for acting like a jerk, just a little, but he decided it's too late to turn back from playing as the jerk today.

"Is this another one of your stupid pranks China? If you plan on feigning a damn cold again I'll seriously bury you in this very spot."

"Well, be it that way, I don't care any less." She answered back with no hesitation. His eyebrows furrowed, he doesn't like it when China doesn't fight back. He sighed in defeat, well maybe this brazen monster is really sick this time. He immediately thought of calling up the Boss here to pick her up but that doesn't seem to define his nature so instead he planned on carrying her up to his back, _not_ that he wanted to carry her and feel her warmth against his back , _definitely no_ t. Maybe he could throw her off the sidewalk or a bridge suddenly, he laughed inwardly with his 'brilliant' idea.

"Oi Yamazaki, keep your ass still for a moment, make sure that glutton of a monster doesn't budge or else I'll stuff your mouth with dirt." He commanded as he ran towards a far off shack.

* * *

Of course he still cares for his rival, he doesn't want anyone dying on his watch after all, "Old lady, a bottle of water." He signals the shopkeeper.

"Ah, sorry we're sold out. Quite a hot day, right? People are craving for all kinds of drin-"  
"Yeah yeah shut up already." He grumbled in irritation. _Now where to find hydration for that little piece of shit._

The next possible station for a drink was the nearest convenience store, it was two blocks away from the park, quite far if you are gonna consider walking under the high noon. He looked back to the tree from afar and can still see Yamazaki's figure. He tossed his thick jacket over his head and prepared to launch into the hot street, _Not that I want to make effort for that brat. I'll totally splash water all over her face._

* * *

About thirty minutes have passed and so, he returned to the park with two bottles of water, to his dismay no Yamazaki and China were under the tree. He felt his chest burn with anger, _Where the hell are those two idiots?_

He roamed around the park for about ten minutes and gave up, it was hot, he was burning in rage, and the brazen monster is nowhere to be found. He decided to call it a day even if it was just around early afternoon, he lost all motivation to go on; his perfect prank for China ruined. He planned on giving her a beating the next time they meet, and so is that Yamazaki.

* * *

The next day he was taking a nap in a bench park when he saw the familiar figure walking by, quickly he jumped to his feet and walked towards her. She looks a lot healthier than yesterday, to his relief. "Oi oi, pretty sure I left you half dead yesterday, why are you still alive, huh?" He mocked.

"Ah, were you there? I didn't notice you presence at all. Ah, of course, your life value is equal to a cockroach's." She snapped turning away from him. He felt provoked by her reply, she's been acting more peevish than usual, _this bitch, just because she's been acting more like a feminine specie, how disgusting!_

"Oi, how dare you talk back to a police officer like that? I'll have you chained you impeccable brat." He grabbed her shoulder back. "And how did you get your fat ass back home? You were almost lifeless yesterday." He scowled. "As if you care." She slapped his hand away, Okita felt as if his guts were punched, "Mayora got me home." She said slowly.

He felt cold feet that instant, "What the hell did you just say?" His two brows met. "I told you, Jimi phoned out Mayora and he carried me to the police car then brought me home to the Yoruzuya."

He felt sweat form in his forehead, he clenched his fists tightly but held them behind him so she wouldn't notice. Not that he's affected with Hijikita the Mayo Freak carrying his rival on his back, he doesn't really care that her chest was directly touching his back, _totally not_ the issue here.

"Hey, you look tensed, gonna take a dump or something?" She laughed at him. He wanted to slaughter a man right there at that very moment, if it wasn't for her dumb little laugh he wouldn't have gone back to his senses.

"Yeah right, if I were there I would have carried you too, but then I'd throw you off the bottom of the sea right then." He tried covering up; _lies, lies, lies._

"Whatever, " She began walking away from him, "Tell Mayora and Jimi 'thanks' by the way." She waved from afar, he could do nothing but stare at her back as her petite figure disappeared from his range of sight.

"Oh I'll tell them 'thanks' alright." He whispered to himself as he clutched the sheathed katana hanging from his waist.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL SOUGO?!" Hijikita coughed violently, his face burning red. "Hah, serves you right, you cockroach." Okita smirked as he laid his eyes on the almost dying vice chief. "What did I ever do this time, you brat I'll slice you up!" He glared at him as he supported his weight. "That was fucking spicy you bastard!"

"Serves you right for ruining my prank." Okita rested both his hands on his waist. "You know Hijikita-san, I know you wanted to be killed by me but do not ever, ever, ever, ruin my rivalry with China by acting like a softie."

"What the-? Is this what it's all about!? Are you a goddamn child!?"

"Well you can say that." He laughed lightly at his superior.

"I SERIOUSLY DON'T GET IT WHY YOU ARE SO AFFECTED, THAT DAMN KID WAS DYING UNDER THE HEAT-" Okita started walking away from him. "OI, OI WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING!?"

He covered both his ears humming some kind of song that even god doesn't know where he got that tune.

 _Now to get Yamazaki runny diarrhea for phoning that perverted Mayo-freak._

* * *

Quite a longer one!~ Soo basically this mini series emphasizes Okita's struggle in having a crush on his favorite brazen china monster. A bit ooc i guess ; n ; )

I can barely write anything I've been busy with finals and playing League ; a ;


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